Category Archives: NFL
At least this week will bring many big games this weekend, many of which will settle division titles. At any rate, here is how I think things will shake out in my final weekly NFL preview.
Games of the Week
Cincinnati Bengals at Pittsburgh Steelers
Detroit Lions at Green Bay Packers, and to a lesser extent…
Carolina Panthers at Atlanta Falcons
Three games that will decide division titles, it doesn’t get any better than that – other than cheerleaders in yoga pants. And even though I’ve been bashing the NFC South, I think the Panthers-Falcons game will be good to watch as well. I would go into the intricate matchups (Andy Dalton winning on the road in prime time, a short-handed and banged-up Lions offense vs. a porous Packers D, and two sorry-ass teams playing in Atlanta), but if there is one constant in the NFL at this time of the year, is that big games with so much at stake are normally won by the home teams. Now that doesn’t mean all the games will not be competitive. It’s just that the road teams in all three games will have uphill battles.
It should be one fun Sunday… Steelers 23, Bengals 16; Packers 20, Lions 12; and Falcons 27, Panthers 23.
“Fuck This…” Game of the Week
Saints at Buccaneers. Not only does this game feature an severely underachieving team that failed to live up to lofty expectations, and not only does this game also feature the worst team in the NFL – it features both teams from the putrid NFL South. Good seats will be available throughout the game. Need I say more? Saints over Bucs.
Ravens over Browns (Baltimore should grab the last AFC playoff spot because…)
Chiefs over Chargers
Cowboys over Redskins
Colts over Titans
Texans over Jaguars (imagine if Houston had a QB)
Dolphins over Jets
Vikings over Bears
Patriots over Bills
Giants over Eagles
Broncos over Raiders
49ers over Cardinals (Niner fans will miss Jim Harbaugh)
Seahawks over Rams
Last week’s record: 9-7 (Nothing says “riding high” more than going out on a mediocre note…)
2014 record to date: 141-85-1 (At least I had a good record in picking games this season…)
1. New England Patriots
2. Seattle Seahawks
3. Green Bay Packers
4. Dallas Cowboys
5. Detroit Lions
6. Denver Broncos
7. Pittsburgh Steelers
8. Cincinnati Bengals
9. Arizona Cardinals
10. Indianapolis Colts
As you all continue to hate on my rankings, I will wish you all a Merry Christmas mutherfuckas!!!!
The Bears have underachieved all season, bringing a 5-9 record into Sunday’s game against the Detroit Lions. It’s defense has been non-existent. It’s offensive line has been just that – offensive. The offense that is stocked with weapons (Brandon Marshall, Alshon Jefferies, Martellus Bennett, and Matt Forte) cannot get out its own way.
And one of the main culprits is Jay Cutler.
There is no reason on God’s green earth that a QB with such immense talent could be as bad as Cutler is right now. He is responsible for 30 (30!!!) turnovers. Now buffonish head coach Marc Trestman benched Cutler’s ass in favor of the immortal Jimmy Clausen.
I think it’s time for the Bears to jettison Cutler. Too bad he is just 14 games into a seven-year, $126.7 million contract, which means he will count too much against the salary cap the next two season (at least $18 million). The Bears may try to trade him, though they may not get but so much in return in terms of draft picks.
Nevertheless, Cutler is not the leader the Bears need for him to be, so they have to cut the cord somehow.
I’ll also go a step forward and call Cutler the second coming of Jeff George.
Now having said all of that, is it all Cutler’s fault? Hell no. Coach Trestman has failed Cutler and his team and deserves to go. Trestman single-handedly ruined the Bears’ defense. In fact, it doesn’t help that the Bears are questioning Trestman’s discipline tactics.
And let’s not stop with Cutler and Trestman. The Bears should fire the general manager for having the audacity to give Cutler that enormous contract. The entire coaching staff should go. The entire defensive side of the ball should be shown the door for being so statistically “turrible”.
I feel so bad for Bears fans. They are in my prayers…
Seattle Seahawks over Arizona Cardinals. This game will decide the NFC West. Both teams sport hellacious defenses. I love low-scoring games between two good teams, so this will be a treat for me. Even though the Cardinals are at home, they will be starting their third-string QB. That is bad news for a team going up against one of the best defenses in the league that is starting to peak right now. For that reason alone, I expect Russell Wilson and the Seahawks to win a low-scoring, physical affair. Seahawks 17, Cardinals 10.
“The Joke’s on Your Ass” Game of the Week
Titans at Jaguars. Two sorry ass 2-12 teams, both in the running for the #1 overall pick in the 2015 draft. A pair of broadcasters who are probably hating life having to call this joke of a “game” tonight. Need I say more? What were the execs at the NFL Network thinking when they made this the last Thursday night affair of the season?
If there was a merciful football god, it would open up the earth so that it would swallow both teams. Unfortunately the earth would spit those sorry fuckers right up, so… Jaguars over Titans.
Eagles over Redskins
49ers over Chargers
Dolphins over Vikings
Ravens over Texans
Lions over Bears
Panthers over Browns
Saints over Falcons (the NFC South is a God-awful division…)
Packers over Buccaneers
Chiefs over Steelers (I still do not trust my Steelers’ secondary)
Patriots over Jets
Rams over Giants
Bills over Raiders
Cowboys over Colts
Bengals over Broncos
Last week’s record: 11-5 (a little bit better…)
2014 record to date: 132-78-1 (I’m still riding high yo…)
Uh, at any rate…
1. New England Patriots
2. Seattle Seahawks
3. Denver Broncos
4. Green Bay Packers
5. Arizona Cardinals
6. Dallas Cowboys
7. Detroit Lions
8. Pittsburgh Steelers
9. Indianapolis Colts
10. Cincinnati Bengals
Come at me with your hate, you muthafuckers…
Second, let’s get our NFL weekly preview on – shall we?
Game of the Week
Dallas Cowboys at Philadelphia Eagles. Dallas is riding high off a big road win in Chicago last Thursday night. I think the memory of that humiliating curb-stomping Philly laid on Dallas on Turkey Day will motivate the Cowboys to play better. Hell, they couldn’t play any worse. Meanwhile, Eagles QB Mark Sanchez had come back to earth a bit since then, and he will be the wild-card in this matchup. I think the Eagles are pissed off at their performance against Seattle, and I believe Philly will be motivated to and will sweep Dallas in a close one.
This is going to be for all the marbles in the NFC East. That alone should make an already intense rivalry even more insane. Eagles 27, Cowboys 24.
The “Gouge Your Eyeballs” Game of the Week
Jets at Titans. Do I really have a reason to say why this game is such a waste of time? Fans at this game should either gouge out their eyeballs or suffocate themselves in paper bags.
Ass-Whupping of the Week
Ravens over Jaguars. Given what’s at stake for Baltimore and how bad Jacksonville is, I’d be shocked if the Ravens are not up by 20 at halftime…
Thursday Night’s Game
Rams over Cardinals (no, really…)
Falcons over Steelers (still not convinced my boys will get up against a sub-.500 team)
Giants over Redskins
Patriots over Dolphins
Chiefs over Raiders
Colts over Texans
Packers over Bills
Panthers over Buccaneers
Bengals over Browns
Broncos over Chargers
Lions over Vikings
Seahawks over 49ers (San Fran is a sinking ship)
Bears over Saints (the joke’s on ESPN, and I love it…)
Last week’s record: 10-6 (Not bad, but oh well…)
2014 record to date: 121-73-1 (I’m still chillin’…)
Go ahead and send your hate. To quote the late, great Bernie Mac: “I ain’t scared of you motherfuckers…”
Drum roll please…
1) Green Bay Packers
2) New England Patriots
3) Seattle Seahawks
4) Denver Broncos
5) Arizona Cardinals
6) Philadelphia Eagles
7) Dallas Cowboys
8) Indianapolis Colts
9) Detroit Lions
10) Pittsburgh Steelers