Happy Thanksgiving Dammit!

We at The Klown Times want to wish everyone a Happy Thanksgiving.  Nothing says “awesome holiday” more than spending time with family, eating good food, and enjoying hours upon hours of football.

Now if your family is cray-cray…

2014 Thanksgiving Day Weekend NFL Preview

NFLGames of the Week

Philadelphia Eagles at Dallas Cowboys

New England Patriots at Green Bay Packers

Nothing says “awesome NFL weekend” more than a division rivalry game and an intra-conference game pitting two top three teams.  The Eagles-Cowboys game will go a long way in settling the NFC East.  Both teams are by far and away the best in the division – and the fact that they hate each other makes things more fun.  Meanwhile, the Pats-Packers game is a must-see for those who love offense and pretty boy QBs.  This could very well be a Super Bowl preview.

Both games will be high-scoring, defense-optional games.  Whoever has the ball last, wins.  That said, in games were both teams are great and evenly-matched home-field will be the deciding factor.

Cowboys 27, Eagles 24

Packers 30, Patriots 28

“You Need to Get Yourself Laid” Game of the Week

Raiders at Rams.  The title of this game says it all.  Anyone who is willing to admit out loud that they would watch this game needs a “slump-buster” in the worst way.  Only because I have to: Rams over Raiders.

Thanksgiving Day Games

Lions over Bears
Seahawks over 49ers

Sunday’s Games

Colts over Redskins (Think Indy is glad it took Andrew Luck over RGIII?)
Texans over Titans
Browns over Bills
Ravens over Chargers
Giants over Jaguars
Bengals over Buccaneers
Vikings over Panthers
Steelers over Saints
Cardinals over Falcons
Chiefs over Broncos

Monday’s Game

Dolphins over Jets (this should be a curb-stomping of epic proportions…)

Last week’s record: 11-4 (A helluva lot better than last week…)
2014 record to date: 102-60-1 (I’m still in decent shape, for now…)

2014 NFL Pre-Turkey Day Top 10 Rankings…

NFLQuick Note: I posted my pre-Thanksgiving Day Top 10 rankings on Facebook only a few minutes ago, and there has already been some fireworks.  If y’all want to join in on the hate, feel free.

Speaking of which, here are my rankings…

1. New England Patriots
2. Seattle Seahawks
3. Green Bay Packers
4. Arizona Cardinals
5. Denver Broncos
6. Philadelphia Eagles
7. Dallas Cowboys
8. Cincinnati Bengals
9. Detroit Lions
10. Baltimore Ravens

Happy Thanksgiving BITCHES!!!!!!! :)

2014 NFL Week 12 Preview: the “Late as Hell” Edition

NFLBefore I get started on this preview, I have one thing to say: my bad on the tardiness.

Now with that shit out of the way, let us begin…

Game of the Week

Detroit Lions at New England Patriots.  Well, this is the best out of a ho-hum bunch.  Both teams are at least tie for the lead in their respective divisions.  Both teams are also looking to send a statement.  I would say that this game will be close, but Matthew Stafford on the road vs. Bill Bellicheat has the potential of getting ugly fast.  Stafford is turnover-prone in GOOD weather conditions.  Imagine what Bellicheat will have dialed up for him.  Patriots 27, Lions 14. 

The “Who Gives a Flying Fuck?” Game of the Week

Tampa Bay Buccaneers at Chicago Bears.  Both teams suck – and swallow.  I know fans of both teams want to kill themselves.  And I do get that this is the “Lovie Smith Bowl”, but still.  And since I have to, Bears over Bucs.

Curb-Stomping of the Week

Colts over Jaguars.  Anyone check out the results of their first meeting?  Well, that bludgeoning took place in Jacksonville.  Now that this meeting is going to be in Indianapolis, things are gonna get Freddy Kruger-horrific in a hurry.  Prayers are going out to the Jags fans…

Upset Special

Giants over Cowboys

Thursday’s Game

Chiefs over Raiders (Oops!  Guess I was wrong there…)

Sunday’s Games

Falcons over Browns
Eagles over Titans
Packers over Vikings
Bengals over Texans (Cincy will finally come out on top in Andy Dalton’s house of horrors…)
Seahawks over Cardinals
Chargers over Rams
Broncos over Dolphins
49ers over Redskins (expect more RGIII drama during and after the game…)
Bills over Jets

Monday’s Game

Saints over Ravens

Last week’s record: 7-7 (Not a good week…)
2014 record to date: 102-60-1 (I’m still in decent shape, for now…)

2014 NFL Week 11 Power Rankings

NFLHere it is folks – for your hating pleasure – my NFL Top Ten rankings heading into Week 12.

1. Arizona Cardinals
2. New England Patriots
3. Green Bay Packers
4. Denver Broncos
5. Kansas City Chiefs
6. Dallas Cowboys
7. Detroit Lions
8. Philadelphia Eagles
9. Cincinnati Bengals
10. Pittsburgh Steelers

Hate away, you sadistic mofos.  It’s not like I really care…


2014-2015 College Basketball Preview

ncaaThe 2014-2015 college basketball season is already here.  As if things could not get better for guys (and some gals) in this wonderful country – with pro and college football going, as well as the NBA – we are in the state of sports euphoria.

Now there were some folks who were bitching over their conference not being previewed along with the “Power Five” leagues (ACC, B1G, Big 12, Pac-12 and SEC).  To those folks I say the following: 1) “shaddup!”; and 2) “fine bitches, I’ll acquiesce.”  So now we have some of the other mid-major conferences to go along with the “Power Five” leagues.  However if you STILL cannot find your conference of choice below, then chances are that means your conference is not only inconsequential, it just might suck – really bad actually.

So without further ado, here are the conferences in alphabetical order – sort of…

Atlantic Coast Conference

  1. Duke (damn Coach K…)
  2. UNC
  3. Louisville
  4. Syracuse
  5. Pitt
  6. Florida State
  7. N.C. State (nice to see my alma mater settle back into mediocrity…)
  8. Notre Dame
  9. Clemson
  10. Miami
  11. Georgia Tech
  12. Virginia Tech
  13. Wake Forest
  14. Boston College

Atlantic 10

  1. VCU (the name “Shaka Smart” has to be the coolest name in coaching…)
  2. Dayton
  3. George Washington
  4. UMass
  5. Rhode Island
  6. Richmond
  7. LaSalle
  8. St. Joseph’s
  9. St. Louis
  10. Duquesne
  11. St. Bonaventure
  12. Fordham
  13. Davidson (welcome to the big leagues boys!)
  14. George Mason (goes for you too…)

American Athletic Conference

  1. UConn
  2. SMU
  3. Cincinnati
  4. Memphis
  5. Tulsa
  6. Houston
  7. Tulane
  8. Temple
  9. East Carolina
  10. UCF
  11. South Florida

Big Ten Conference

  1. Wisconsin
  2. Michigan State
  3. Nebraska
  4. Ohio State
  5. Michigan
  6. Iowa
  7. Indiana (Tom Crean’s seat is red-ass hot…)
  8. Illinois
  9. Maryland
  10. Purdue
  11. Minnesota
  12. Penn State
  13. Northwestern
  14. Rutgers

Big 12

  1. Kansas
  2. Texas
  3. Iowa State
  4. Oklahoma
  5. Kansas State
  6. Baylor
  7. West Virginia
  8. Oklahoma State
  9. TCU
  10. Texas Tech (what a dumpster fire that program has become since Bobby Knight…)

Big East

  1. Villanova
  2. Georgetown
  3. St. John’s
  4. Xavier
  5. Providence
  6. Marquette
  7. Seton Hall
  8. Butler (are the Bulldogs longing for the days in the Atlantic 10?)
  9. Creighton (time to see just how good of a coach Doug McDermont’s daddy is…)
  10. DePaul

Conference USA

  1. Louisiana Tech
  2. UTEP
  3. Western Kentucky
  4. Old Dominion
  5. Charlotte
  6. Middle Tennessee
  7. North Texas
  8. UAB
  9. Southern Miss
  10. Florida International
  11. Rice
  12. Florida Atlantic
  13. UTSA
  14. Marshall

Mountain West

  1. San Diego State
  2. Colorado State
  3. Boise State
  4. UNLV
  5. Wyoming
  6. New Mexico
  7. Fresno State
  8. Nevada
  9. Utah State
  10. Air Force
  11. San Jose State

Missouri Valley Conference

  1. Wichita State (memo to Kansas: stop being a pussy and play these guys!)
  2. Northern Illinois
  3. Illinois State
  4. Evansville
  5. Indiana State
  6. Missouri State
  7. Bradley
  8. Drake
  9. Loyola
  10. Southern Illinois

Pacific 12

  1. Arizona
  2. Stanford
  3. UCLA
  4. Colorado
  5. Utah
  6. Cal
  7. Washington
  8. Oregon
  9. Arizona State
  10. USC
  11. Washington State
  12. Oregon State (ya think the Beavers miss having the President’s brother-in-law for recruiting?)

Southeastern Conference

  1. Kentucky
  2. Florida
  3. Ole Miss
  4. Arkansas
  5. LSU
  6. Georgia
  7. Auburn
  8. Texas A&M
  9. Missouri
  10. Vanderbilt
  11. Alabama
  12. South Carolina (I’m still scared shitless of
  13. Mississippi State
  14. Tennessee

West Coast Conference

  1. Gonzaga
  2. BYU (think they still want to be in the Big 12?)
  3. St. Mary’s
  4. San Francisco
  5. Portland
  6. San Diego
  7. Pepperdine
  8. Santa Clara
  9. Pacific
  10. Loyola Marymount (Hank Gathers’ death still looms over the school…)

Final Four Prediction:  Kentucky, Duke, Arizona, Wisconsin

2014-2015 Champion: Kentucky

2014 Week 11 NFL Preview

NFLGame of the Week

New England Patriots at Indianapolis Colts.  It is apropos that this is a Sunday night prime time matchup.  Tom Brady vs. Adnrew Luck.  The past vs. the future.  While the storylines are juicy, this pretty much comes down to experience.  Both QBs are not playing with a lot of talent offensively.  Both defenses are young and hungry.  So when both teams are similar from a talent and youth perspective, experience will be the ultimate edge.  With Brady and head coach Bill Bellicheat, the Patriots have enough experience and moxie on their side to get the win on the road.  It will be a good one though…  Patriots 21, Colts 17.

“Why in the Hell Are You Watching This Shit?” Games of the Week

Atlanta Falcons at Carolina Panthers

Tampa Bay Buccaneers at Washington Redskins

Any game involving NFC South teams going forward (save for New Orleans) will get automatic consideration for the shittiest game of the week.  Not only do two of those sorry-ass teams play each other, but another one will be playing yet another sorry-ass team in the Redskins.  Well, at least Washington could bring some RGIII drama to the table – I guess.

Panthers over Falcons
Redskins over Buccaneers

Upset Special

Chiefs over Seahawks.  Arrowhead Stadium is such a hard ass place to get a win.  The Chiefs are competitive and the Seahawks are a good, but flawed team.  And last I checked, flawed teams do not win in Arrowhead.

Thursday’s Game

Dolphins over Bills

Sunday’s Games

Vikings over Bears
Browns over Texans
Saints over Bengals
Broncos over Rams
49ers over Giants
Chargers over Raiders
Packers over Eagles (it’s a chance to see if Mark Sanchez is for real)
Lions over Cardinals (this should be one helluva game between division leaders)

Monday’s Game

Steelers over Titans (why Pittsburgh can’t beat bad teams, I’ll never know.  Are they banging the opposing team’s cheerleaders the night before?)

Last week’s record: 9-4 (Not bad, still better than last week)
2014 record to date: 95-53-1 (I’m still in good shape.  Nice…)


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